My Top 12 Deal Breakers (Suma-Saab)

So I wanted to make my own version of this for two reasons:

  1. I have awesome deal breakers. My deal breakers should be everyone’s deal breakers. I mean really.
  2. I have this unexplainable admiration for Saab.
But seriously. This shit is legit so let’s just get on with it. This won’t be in a particular order or maybe it will turn out that way. I don’t know.

1. Pa-cool. Most people assume that I judge people based on their music taste and grammar but that’s not actually true. I wouldn’t care if you listen AND sing along to Callalily and Dashboard Confessional when you’re alone in your room at 8 in the evening; or if you have worse grammar than Melanie Marquez. Ang sa akin lang, be yourself, bro. Dun sa moments na napapa-English ako, wag kang sumabay kung sablay grammar at diction mo. At pagdating naman sa music, okay lang naman kung iniidolo mo si Kean Cipriano, basta wag mo na lang ipagkakalat sa iba. Also, I’d take jologs over pretentious any day. And besides, who am I to judge? I love listen to the Biebs and prepositions confuse me a lot. Pero syempre wag naman yung OA na jologs na fan pala ni Rihanna. Yung saktong jologs lang. Hihi. Di ako shallow promise!


2. Weird looking hairstyles. Ang tinutukoy ko yung Daniel Padilla style. Mukhang tuko e. Buti pa si Enrique, chill lang yung buhok. :> Also, I will never understand how women get addicted to them Korean singers with blue, anime-ish hairstyles. I admit, that guy from Hana Kimi and the F4 dudes are gwapo but they’re Taiwanese and their hairstyles are normal. You have to admit, Dao Ming Xe looked so much better in the latter parts of Meteor Garden nung hindi na sya pineapple head. I mean, kamon. Look at this: 
GIRLS SCREAM FOR THOSE GUYS?!

You know who gets hairstyles?

How did Rachel go from this to Anakin?!
You know who else gets hairstyles? My boyfriend. :”>
4. Matapobre. So this is not shallow at all. The first three I can maybe excuse on dire circumstances, but this one I simply can’t. I was raised by parents who taught me that everybody deserves respect kaya sobrang turn off sakin yung guys na mean sa waiters, drivers, etc. I just can’t take it. This is not just for guys, it’s for everyone. When I see my relatives making pagalit Ate Lina for something incredibly irrelevant, I always feel the need to shout at them and say that they don’t have the right to do that even if they’re my titos and titas. It’s just so irritating! I especially hate it when people say stuff like, “Bakit? Katulong lang naman siya, ah.” Ugali nyo please, paki-ayos.
5. Vices. I want my guy to be as vice-free as possible. Drinking’s okay but it stops there. No smoking, no drugs, no nothing. Clean.
6. Gross guys. And I mean gross in the actual meaning of the word. I want a guy who is mabango. If I don’t like a guy’s natural scent, he has to go. Also, I want a guy who knows where the trash can is. I want the sort of dude who would stop and pick up some trash he found sa street to throw it in the right place. 
7. Girl ADHD. I hate single guys who can’t focus on one girl na liligawan. Alam nyo yun, yung guys who would flirt with anything that moves. Yung ila-like lahat ng pictures ng girl Facebook friends nya tas lalandiin lahat, hoping one of them would work out. Gross. Gusto ko yung may standard naman. I want a guy who’d choose one girl then pursue her.
8. Borrowing from Saab, Bore-ophyll. I won’t want a guy na walang “thing.” If you’re genuinely smart and funny, it’d be easy for you to win me over.
9. Pointless arguer. Ayaw kong kumakausap ng tanga. I like having arguments/debates with my friends. It’s one of the most fun and intimate forms of converstaions, in my opinion. Kaya sobrang nakakaturn off yung guys na nakikipaglaban sa akin na sobrang pointless naman ng mga sinasabi. Sobrang, UGH! PATRICK STAR CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT!!! I need a guy who gives solid cases. It will come in handy in fights. If I know that I have a case, I won’t back down. A guy who can prove me wrong without turning to cold, heartless arguments is one for keeps.
10. Guys I’m not comfortable eating with. I love food. I need a guy I can eat with. I need a guy who can dine with my family. It’s a necessary requirement.
11. Bad taste in movies. By bad, I mean taste that doesn’t match up with mine. I love movies. I love watching TV. I love anything that involves a story and characters. I need a guy I can watch movies, TV shows, and plays with and I want him to ACTUALLY enjoy and not just do it for me. These things are important.
12. Half-naked pictures. Gad. I guess it’s okay to take half-naked pictures of yourself sa mirror then keep it to yourself. Not cool kung ipopost mo sa internet tapos profile picture pa! Kadiri. Paflex flex pang nalalaman. I find it super gross. Okay lang kung from a swimming trip, pero yung nasa kwarto lang tas ugh. Ew. Ew talaga.

I’m not usually one to play the society card because I try to avoid anything that has the potential to be political but let me say this: Fuck society. Fuck the fact that what most people notice, or at least in this country, is weight. When you go to family gatherings, before they give you any compliments on how cute your outfit is, the first thing that they say is, “Uy tumataba ka,” in a tone that tries so hard sound, “Uy, no offense ha,” but is offensive anyway.

Fuck society. You know what stick-thin, model-ish girls don’t have? Boobs. And unless they’re one of those naturally thin girls, they don’t have as good lives as everyone else. Because you know what? Food is awesome. Have you ever tasted a pizza? Or a cheeseburger that is so delicious, you’d want to make out with it? I don’t even think that they even have oreo blizzards. Or even just oreos.

Fuck society for making girls think that you have to be thin to be beautiful. Just eating healthy and not excessively is enough. And the next time you tell an average-sized, perfectly normal, not even close to overweight, ridiculously beautiful girl that she’s getting fat, just think to yourself how this could trigger an inferiority complex, a distorted self image, what nots.

Because a girl will do anything just to somehow feel relevant. And if the first thing you notice everytime you see her–despite everything awesome on her looks, personality, and whatever– is that she’s gaining weight, it’s gonna ruin her. Pigging out with friends, family, boyfriends, is the best feeling ever and taking that away from anyone is horrible. Fuck you all for ruining my best friend. And I’m writing this now ’cause I haven’t really yet figured out how to comfort her or what to say that won’t just make things worse because I tend to do that.