Justin Bieber: Destroying His "Career," One Christmas Song At A Time

Waddup Biebs,

If there’s one thing that you should know about me, I’m annoyingly musically pretentious. It pains me physically to admit that I’m into the likes of you. Also, whenever I hear a terrible song for the first time, my eyebrows does this thing that says, “What in the fuckery is this?!”
But then, despite my pretentious nature, I made a public declaration of my not dislike of your songs. I know all the words to your song Stuck in the Moment and that other one Overboard. I mean, dude. I downloaded your whole album. That’s kind of big when you consider the fact that I don’t even like Coldplay. Yes, one thing that you should note about Venus Banaag is that I’m a Bieber fan but I detest Coldplay. Joel and I are probably the only people among our group of friends that hate them. I just don’t get their appeal. You can all laugh now.
I’m not exactly pop music-savvy these days, either. I mean, when everyone were tweeting and FB-status-ing ~*We found love in a hopeless place*~ I was thinking, “Oh dear God, is a war happening without me knowing it?!” When googled it, however, it led me to a Rihanna video. My eyebrows did that thing again.  Hey, look! New Year’s Resolution! Stick to one topic per blogpost.
Going back on track: Bieber fan, not pop music savvy. That’s why when Joel told me that Bieber released a Christmas album, with the comment, “Ay, chura! *iling*” I decided to check it out for myself. After 50 minutes of agony, let me ask you this: Are you trying out if musical suicide would be a good move for your career?!
Why are you doing this to yourself? See this collection of Blair Waldorf GIFs?

I’ve been alternating those faces the whole time I’ve been listening to your album. Please don’t do something like this again. Not even Never Say Never 2 can save you from this abomination. What’s that thing you did with Drummer Boy and Silent Night?! I felt like my ears would bleed. I’d give you one thing, though. Your puberty voice is very sexy. Just please record better songs. Wag mo ko ipahiya, pwede? You over Coldplay, remember. YOU OVER COLDPLAY. No pressure. Better album, k?
Distressed ~*fan*~,
PS There was one decent song pala. Not-so-bad job on this one.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s